The story of the Battle of Hell's Path # 62965

The story of the Battle of Heljarslóður and Twelve Elms long and ten lines of poetry by Benedict Gröndal.
This is the second edition of the Battle of Hell.



I can't bring myself to click this excerpt here. This is simply too good.


Napoleon prepares for war.



Eugenia came forward and said that her husband was going to war. Then twenty knights came in with full armor, armor, helmets, shields, breastplates, spears and steel caps, so that Napoleon could choose from whatever he wanted to beat the Germans with. Now Napoleon first put on his underpants and socks, which were naturally silk socks, but over them he put on thick socks with a thick band of wool, so that his feet would not get cold on the way. Then Napoleon put on silk trousers, and over them on thick wadmål trousers from north of Skagafjörður; these trousers had been given to Napoleon by Gaimard as a summer gift, the same day that Marmier gave Lamartine the ram, but Gaimard had acquired the trousers on the great expedition to Iceland. Napoleon put on formidable war boots; They reached up into the cleft and cracked so loudly that a roar was heard in Rome, as Gissr said:



Walked unsteadily

gyrating mode

supported modes

for large margins;

but curses fail

blue terror

rain tower

in Rome south.



Here it is said that the emperor is supported by a gyggar regime, because the rose buns were made from the skin of a troll. That troll was killed by Napoleon north in Heiðarskógur.



Then Napoleon put on a silk shirt that Eugenia had sewn in her virginity and intended to have herself; but when she promised herself to Napoleon, she gave him the shirt, so that now the shirt was on the emperor's shoulders, and not on the virgin's breast. Over that, Napoleon put on a duggar sweater; that sweater Þjóðólfr had taken from Ófeigur in Fjall dauðum up in payment for a horse's lighting, and sent the sweater to Napoleon as a gift; Napoleon was very happy, because no wind or rain could touch the sweater and no sword could graze on it unless a man had been killed three times. Then Napoleon took a suit of armor and put it on; it was shiningly beautiful and woven from serpents' ribs, and gold-plated in the south of the Great Palace; that armor had been worn by Amurates the Fourth and had won many victories in it; that armor was valued at twelve hundred hundred. He put a helmet on his head, it was all made of gold and blue steel and shone as if from the sun; that helmet Napoleon had taken from the Blue King in Austrvegur and he slew many men there; that helmet weighed ten fathoms. Napoleon took a shield on his arm; on that shield was marked with a gold star, but the shield was white as a bell and sang before battles, and so it was now. Then Napoleon took a spear in his hand; that spear Finnbogi the Strong had carried long ago and slew many men, but now the shaft was somewhat worn out, and the point was not as sharp; but with that spear being victorious, Napoleon carried it more than other weapons; that spear the Persian sultan had sent to Napoleon on fifteen camels, to beat the Germans.



Eugenie sat by the cradle and looked at all this equipment, and turned red when she heard the singing in the shield, for it was a sign; she did not say a word, for she saw that her Emperor was in a fighting mood. Napoleon was in a state of high spirits, and grinned like a lion looking down on a group of mice. "Now let us come out and have our breakfast," said Napoleon, "that Pelissier can look after the boy." Then Eugenie called Pelissier, and he came in and took the child; and Napoleon and Eugenie went out.



The imperial couple met Thiers in the garden. Thiers had the first volume of the rebellion story and was not very happy, because he had found a printing error in the book, le for de, and thought it was bad if people should think of comparing his rebellion story with Þjóðólfr.



"Welcome, Thiers," said Napoleon. "Welcome, my Napoleon," said Thiers. "Now, what do you think of me now," said Napoleon. "Well," said Thiers. "Aren't my weapons all-military," said Napoleon. "Yes," said Thiers. "Isn't this a beautiful helmet," said Napoleon. "Yes," said Thiers. "Isn't this a beautiful shield," said Napoleon. "Yes," said Thiers. "What do you think of the lion painted on it? Isn't its left leg rather short?" said Napoleon. "Yes," said Thiers. "Isn't this a handsome spear?" said Napoleon. "Yes," said Thiers. "Aren't my rosary beads martial?" said Napoleon. "Yes," said Thiers. "Isn't my armor flexible?" said Napoleon. "Yes," said Thiers. "Then I have a hell of a big sweater from Ófeigur in the Mountain inside, which Þjóðólfr has given me," said Napoleon. "That's right," said Thiers. "I don't think I'll get wet in this sweater," said Napoleon. "So," said Thiers. "Now, what the hell are you, Thiers," said Napoleon. "Oh," said Thiers. "Yes, you only answer with empty monosyllables," said Napoleon. "Hm," said Thiers. "How do you think this all goes?" said Napoleon. "I don't know," said Thiers. "Well, good-bye, Thiers," said Napoleon. "Good-bye, my Napoleon," said Thiers.